系列137. 唯恐天下不亂 啟示錄 = HECKRAISER REVELATIONS
譯者：紅狐
1928-你心目中的毀滅者 = The Form Of Your Destructor
Alt Text: 而與此同時，還有人在出版諾斯特拉達穆斯的書 *捏緊小拳頭*(meanwhile nostradamus somehow keeps getting published *shakes tiny fist*)
諾斯特拉達穆斯所寫下的《百詩集》大概就是等同推背圖之類的書籍，後世人經過各種「研究」後發現其準確地「預言」了未來的事件
1929-越來越火熱了 = Getting Hot In Here
Alt Text: 冷氣，到處都是冷氣卻沒有地方散熱的(AC AC everywhere but not a heat to sink)
1930-逃生程序 = Escape Sequence
Alt Text: 呃…我是毒蛇，我來「毒」抹你的窗？(um... I'm the viper, and I've come to vipe your vindows?)
1931-天梯頂端 = The Top Of The Ladder
Alt Text: 是的，就連闇布里歐也本能地就發覺了 (yes even negabreel knows instinctually)
1932-應用在哲學難題 = Applied Philosophical Quandaries
1933-終有一生 = Memento Mortalis
Alt Text: 「真要說的話我身為凡間生物的經驗可是比你們還多--好吧這樣聽起來好像更爛了」("I technically have more experience being mortal that you do--okay wow that sounds even worse")
1934-無知者們 = The Know Nothing Party
Alt Text: 這些動物到底是不是和人類有作息這個問題又不是我的錯。好吧，也許是我—作者—的錯，但我現在是在幫德蕾格說話，不去計較她貼第四面牆貼這麼近的話，所以到頭來還是作者—他個人—的看法。呃…忍術煙霧彈 *煙霧散去了我還是在同一個地方，只不過現在吃著義大利香腸三明治*(look it's not MY fault that it's technically ambiguous how often the animals follow human behavior patterns or not. Okay, maybe it is MY fault, the author, but in this case I'm speaking for Draig, except that she shouldn't be leaning on the fourth wall so hard, so it's still an author editorial. On himself. Um... NINJA SMOKEBOMB *the smoke clears and I'm in the exact same position except eating a pepperoni sandwich*)
1935-神與眾生 = Gods And Generalities
Alt Text: 別怪我，是你們凡間生物先想出這些奇怪情節的 (don't blame me, you mortals came up with the idea that it's weird to begin with)
1936-童言童語 = From The Yawning Mouth Of Babes
Alt Text: 或許我該開始令人毛骨悚然地對著壞掉的音樂盒唱童謠就好 (maybe I'll just start creepily singing nursery rhymes to a broken musicbox)
1937-故事的啟示是 = The Moral Of The Story Is
Alt Text: 九尾有無論什麼形狀的格子都可以出現在我需要他的任何位置的特殊能力 (kitsune has the special power to appear in whatever position I need him to be in to fit the shape of the panel)
1938-神一定很懶 = The Gods Must Be Lazy
Alt Text: 你不能因為我講實話懲罰我！
你已經當狐狸好幾年了，再不智也該有個限度吧
(You can’t penalize me for honesty!
You’ve been a fox for several years already, you should know better than to be unclever)
1939-人生苦於噁心，當殺之 = Life Is Gross Kill It All
Alt Text: 你以為他們說「所有孔洞」是誇大其詞，結果他們說的不但是對的，還沒講清楚到底有多少孔洞 (you think they're exaggerating when they say "every orifice" but it turns out they were not only telling the truth, they glossed over the number of orifices there are)
1940-無聊？讓我看看我的PDA = Bored? Lemme Check My PDA
Alt Text: 接吻到目前為止在這個故事也算數 : 3 （你懂的） (smooching count in this story thus far: 3 (that you know of))
1941-「是啦，不是」或者「不是啦，是」 = As In “Yeah, No” Or “No, Yeah”?
Alt Text: 呣嗯 (mmph)
1942-看守、水、口渴、病人 = Guard. Water. Thirsty. Sick Man.
Alt Text: *用報紙戳巨大惡魔的鼻子* (*baps giant demon nose with newspaper*)
1943-掀了頂 = Raise The Roof
Alt Text: 露薏絲那是我們在做的事 (lois that's OUR thing)
1944-給我過來 = Get Over Here
Alt Text: 你逃不出我的魔掌的 (you can't escape the long arm of the...chaos)
1945-如果每天都是聖誕節 = If Every Day Was Like Christmas
Alt Text: 我個人每天參與1.56個超聖誕節。那些家人太爛的人都會得到代理家庭成員，所以我至今算是很多人的媽媽了。是的，很溫馨，你可以讚嘆了 (Personally, I attend 1.56 megachristmases every day. Everyone whose family sucks is provided surrogate family members, and I'm basically a lot of peoples' mom at this point. Yes it's adorable, you may aww.)
1946-非禮勿梯 = It’s Impolite To Stair
Alt Text: 塔羅妳又是怎麼在闖蕩神廟的時候還能跟上腳步的—喔，對，超能力。妳現在沒有了，因為妳只是隻普通的狗 (tarot how did you even manage to keep up down the entire temple--oh right superpowers. Which you don't have. Cause you're a regular dog.)
1947-舔舔碰碰 = Licky Boom Boom Down
Alt Text: 我還是想要去廁所 (I still need to go to the bathroom)
1948-捕熊陷阱 = Bear Trap
Alt Text: 噢，我的毒舌器官 (OW, MY IRONY GLAND)
1949-漫步大草原 = Wandering The Steppe
Alt Text: 也許你該像直昇機一樣旋轉你的翅膀… (maybe if you spun them around like a helicopter...)
1950-大大小孩 = Baby Driver
Alt Text: 我都不知道現在還有在製造嬰兒帽這種東西喔 (I didn't even know they MADE baby bonnets anymore)
1951-保險槓貼 = Bumper Sticker
Alt Text: 「親愛的，有隻貓掛在後車門上」
「我告訴過妳不要在我開車的時候跟我講話，瑪莎，妳手離收音機遠一點我不喜歡開音樂」
("dear, there's a cat hanging onto our rear door"
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TALK TO ME WHILE I'M DRIVING MARTHA, GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM THE RADIO I LIKE IT OFF")
1952-又一個貼牆上 = Another Blip In The Wall
Alt Text: 刮盤聲 (wub wub)
1953-山貓季 = Lynx Season
Alt Text: 或者說選擇上、假設上、理論上 (or, alternatively, hypothetically, theoretically,)
系列137⅕. 2022 情人節 = Valentine's Day 2022 # 譯者：紅狐
1954-垃圾堆撿來的情人卡 = Trashy Valentines Cards 2022-02-14
科瑞：愛情奇臭無比（是的，我們臭味相投）
法斯：吟遊詩人有云：「何謂愛情？寶貝別傷害我，別又傷害我」你已經被浪漫沙士鄙牙了，我接受以卿卿我我作為報答
卡車：別擔心，我讓你免受這些噁心內餡的巧克力的傷害了（全部喔）
阿墨：我可以為你創造信仰
Alt Text: 那些是羅素·斯托弗（美國巧克力品牌），所以你沒有損失什麼啦 (it was russell stover, so you're not missing anything)
那首歌當然不是莎士比亞，而是海德威在1993年的熱門單曲“What Is Love”
1955-黑暗王子 = Prince Of Darkness
Alt Text: 噫 (eep)
1956-千萬別抬頭 = Don’t Look Up
Alt Text: 風豪大 (it fuzzin WIMDY)
1957-英雄降臨 = Along Came Jones
Alt Text: 再來一次 (DO IT AGAIN)
1958-走了走了沒什麼好看的 = Move Along Nothing To See
Alt Text: 真不敢相信我居然得為了這種事停下工作 (I can't believe I have to get out of work for this)
1959-祂可怕的利劍 = His Terrible Swift Sword
Alt Text: 就把我的拳頭當成某種打在你臉上的比喻吧 (Just think of my fists as a blunt metaphor for YOUR FACE)
1960-恐怖之塔 = The Tower Of Terror
Alt Text: 作為獎勵，你可以得到一點小小的災難 (you can have a little apocalypse, as a treat)
1961-九尾神拳 = Nine Tail God Fist
Alt Text: 嘿九尾，我很喜歡你的“Scripulous Fingore”扮相喔 (hey kitsune, I really like your Scripulous Fingore costume)
1962-他們都好了 = They’re Good Now
Alt Text: 我不知道該怎麼活下去！我-我想我可能會去當男模，或-或者可能去融資…我真的不知道！ (I don’t know what I’m doing with my life! I-I’m thinking of getting into male modeling, o-or maybe high finance…I just don’t know!)
1963-千帽熊貓 = A Panda Of Many Hats
Alt Text: 也許是因為我忘記了，也許是因為它凸顯了我眼睛的美，你不會知道的 (maybe I forgot, maybe I brought it out my eyes, you don't know)
1964-生命宇宙及萬事萬物 = Life The Universe And Everything
Alt Text: 啊謝謝，我的言語的確是強而有力 (why thank you, my words ARE quite strong and powerful)
1965-你可知此有多少價值 = Do You Know What That’s Worth
Alt Text: 致Rick：你都已經唱獨角戲唱了三頁了，怎麼現在卻在拿催促一個可憐的角色當玩笑，在此抱怨信我將 (dear Rick, how can you make a joke about hurrying up poor character when you’ve been having monologues for the last three pages, in this complaint letter I will)
1966-天國魔力 = Mana From Heaven
Alt Text: 還在那裡等著被選中的冒險者出現，然後發現真正強大的力量是他們一路上所建立的羈絆嗎？惡魔應該不會去做這種事啦 (Just waiting for the right adventurers to get to it and learn that the real ultimate power was the friends we made along the way? Don't think demons go for that)
1967-安檢劇場 = Security Theater
Alt Text: 線性時間又有什麼了不起的？還有很多其他時間流動的模式咧！ (And what's so special about liner time, anyway? There's a lot of other modes of time you know!)
1968-我們不是來過這裡嗎 = Haven't We Been Here Before
Alt Text: 有人堅持要把它清掉但卡里不知怎麼把它變成了一根支柱。對我知道它上面沒有頂著任何東西，不要去想得太用力 (Some insisted on having it removed but Kari somehow made it load-bearing. Yeah I know it's not supporting anything above it, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT)
1969-不是只有條河 = Not Just A River There
Alt Text: 到了最後，我們又真的有去珍惜一些「不是災難」的事情嗎 (in the end how much do we really value things like "not the apocalypse")
1970-借問卡里沙 = Paws Up For Karishad
Alt Text: 麥當當 197X年 版權所有 (Copyright 197X MacDormalds)
1971-好狗不甘落於人後 = Can’t Keep A Good Dog Down
Alt Text: 德蕾格安靜地溜到了房間後面 (Draig very quietly shuffles to the back of the room)
1972-比扎羅超人法則 = Bizarro Superman Rules
Alt Text: 也許你應該想一些與你想要的相反的事，而既然你想要殺我，相反過來就是不要殺我囉？可惡我以為這樣邏輯說得通的 (maybe you should want the opposite of what you want, and since you want to kill me, the opposite of that would be not killing me? dang thought the logic was sound)
1973-靈魂伴侶 = Soul Mates
Alt Text: 「你從哪找來一張上面有五芒星的桌子的？」
「說也奇怪，它早就在這兒了…」
("where did you get the table with a pentagram on it?"
"strangest thing, it was already in here...")
1974-太綁手綁腳了 = All Tied Up At The Moment
Alt Text: 你有吃過培根嗎？以上 (have you ever tasted bacon? I rest my case)
1975-知人知面 = The Eyes Have It
Alt Text: 我都可以為此寫出一首歌了 (I COULD WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT)
1976-這魔法的時刻 = This Magic Moment
Alt Text: *拍手* 擁抱 *拍手* 那隻 *拍手* 貂 (*clap* hug *clap* the *clap* weasel)
1977-時間不夠搭快車了 = Ain’t Got Time To Take A Fast Train
Alt Text: 卡里做了什麼被埃及拒於門外？應該問他「沒有」做什麼 (what did Kari do to get banned from Egypt? more like what DIDN'T he do)
1978-平庸之惡 = The Banality Of Evil
Alt Text: 大部分的惡人都因不理性的偏見和短視近利而作惡？那樣沒什麼效率。他們難道不知道只要稍微投入一點心血在謀略上就能作更多惡嗎？ (Most evil people act on irrational prejudice and short-sighted goals? Well that's not very efficient. Don't they know they can get more evil done with a sound investment strategy?)
1979-哲學獾 = Philosophical Badger
Alt Text: 能永遠得到我所想要的東西真是太無聊了，天堂肯定沒有人知道怎麼讓事情永遠新鮮又有趣 (ugh getting everything I ever wanted forever is so boring, surely nobody in heaven knows how to make things eternally fun and interesting)
1980-鼬科堆成的山 = Mustelid Pile
Alt Text: 還有就是我們可以真的去求神告訴我們剛剛那些是不是事實，只是…算了，祂們大概不會給出什麼直接的答案 (also the fact we could literally ask the deities we know if any of that is true, just... just ignore that, they probably wouldn't give a straight answer anyway)
1981-高山症 = Altitude Sickness
Alt Text: 露薏絲真的弄了塔羅的玉米葉嗎？我們或許永遠不會知道了 (did Lois frumble Tarot's corn husk? we may never know.)
1982-埃及風情 = It’s An Egypt Thing
Alt Text: 無論你身處何時，即是現在 (Whenever you go, then you are)
1983-有緣再會 = Put On A Bus
Alt Text: 我喜歡你的愛心多力多滋衣服！ (I like your I heart doritos shirt!)
1984-假帽他人 = Paper Pusher
Alt Text: 很可惜，若不是用亮粉筆就沒有預期中的效果 (sadly it doesn't work exactly as intended without a glitter pen)
1985-萬物皆無永恆 = Everything Is Templerary
Alt Text: 好吧，也許你沒辦法真的看到他們變成那些紙袋上寫的誇張角色，但你至少能想像一下，這樣也很棒不是嗎？（不要打我） (well maybe you don't actually get to see anyone becoming crazy paper bag characters but you do at least get to imagine it, and that's just as good, right? (please don't kill me))
1986-巨石狂奔 = Boulder Dashed
Alt Text: 喔不，第6格的天空是一片火海 (oh no sky lava in panel 6)
1987-空無一物空無一物空無一物 = Nothing At All Nothing At All Nothing At All
Alt Text: 哎呀，虛空把這段哏吞噬了…呃…星期五見！ (whoops, the void ate the punchline...um...check in friday!)
1988-奇異博士，這比你強多了 = Dr. Strange, Eat Your Heart Out
Alt Text: 是，是，完全感知的混沌，我們都看過的 (Yeah, yeah, the madness of total perception, we’ve all seen it.)
1989-巨人之戰 = Clash Of The Titans
Alt Text: 我們需要更多油 (We’re gonna need more oil)
1990-惡魔學 = Demonology
Alt Text: 何必把好東西給毀了呢！ (Why ruin a good thing!)
1991-真正的怪物 = A Real Monster
Alt Text: 還不如說是宇宙的屁 (More like comic fart pbbt)
1992-袋結局 = Bag End
Alt Text: 「但我聽到主題曲響起了！」
「那是你腦海在想像的，沒什麼了不起的」
(”But I heard the theme start to play!”
“That was in your head, you could always do that.”)
1993-振奮人心 = Rousing Speech
Alt Text: （熱情地、感到挫折地）(affectionate, frustrated)
1994-雷射燈光秀 = Laser Light Show
Alt Text: 咻咻 (pew pew)
1995-一閃即逝 = Gone In A Flash
Alt Text: 這就要怪你還有你那噁心的身體機能 (I blame you and your disgusting bodily functions)
1996-擲鼬鼠日 = Weasel Tossing Day
Alt Text: 怎麼突然有餅乾的味道？ (Why does it suddenly smell like cookies?)
1997-臭小鬼 = Little Stinker
Alt Text: 我的意思是，如果你仔細想想，要是被打到的話你反而算是贏--啊啊不不不不不要要要要要再再再再再搖搖搖搖搖我我我我我了了了了了 (I mean, if you THINK about it, you technically WIN if you get hi—GAH STOOOOP SHAAAAKKIIIIINNNGG MMEEEEE)
1998-快馬加鞭 = Horsey Ride
Alt Text: 我們被叫做麵條不是沒原因的！！ (they call us noodles for a reason!!)
1999-無人能擋 = Unstoppable
Alt Text: 要補完設定的話注意一點，故事已經進展得太後面了 (Careful with your lore drops, it’s too late in the story for that)
2000-攔截 = Interference
Alt Text: 外線出手她整個人都火燙了 (FROM DOWNTOWN SHE’S ON FIRE)
2001-小松鼠告訴我的 = A Little Squirrel Told Me
Alt Text: 或者說是…不幸？我想這可能取決於你對數學的看法 (or... cursed? I suppose it depends on how you feel about math)
2002-祝你安好 = Bless You
Alt Text: 很難讓「祝你安好」這句話說起來像是在咒罵一樣 (Its really hard to say ‘bless you’ in such a way to make it sound like an expletive)
2003-恐龍物語 = A Dinosaur Story
Alt Text: 我回來了，feat.你 (I'm back ft. you)
2004-當好人真好 = It’s Good To Be Good
Alt Text: 這提議不怎麼樣，但該提的還是要提，這是邪惡守則的一部份 (it wasn't a very good offer but it had to be made, it's in the evil handbook)
2005-彼特，你這鳥媽媽生的 = Pete, You Son Of A Bird
Alt Text: 我怎麼可能會不帶我的主題曲就出門呢 (Why would I go anywhere without my theme music)
2006-上，假面騎士！ = Go, Kaiger!
Alt Text: 我也有變身的機會嗎!? (変身しちゃう チャンス!?)
2007-你就是煙火 = You’re A Firework
Alt Text: 喔喔，那就挑「宇宙砲彈」這顆星怎麼樣？聽起來很好玩 (ooh how about the “Cosmic Cannonball”? That one sounds fun)
2008-別把媽媽丟出車 = Don't Throw Momma From The Train
Alt Text: 別提起生孩子時的那些苦難 (Don’t bring up the horrible ordeal of childbirth)
2009-不只是凡間血緣 = Beyond Mortal Kin
Alt Text: 這個秘密就是他們完全一模一樣 (The secret is they’re exactly the same)
2010-誰能料到呢 = Who Could Have Forseen
Alt Text: 全知全能在今日價值不太高了，是不是？ (omniscience isn't worth much nowadays, is it?)
2011-全是沙漠 = Just Deserts
Alt Text: 「我們沒有真的為此犧牲性命也算數嗎？」
「你到底想不想要獎賞？」
「我閉嘴」
(”Does it count if we didn’t REALLY sacrifice our lives for this?”
“Do you want the boons or not?”
“I’ll be quiet.”)
2012-舌戰群儒 = The Pbbts Have It
Alt Text: 據說他們至今仍在互吐舌頭 (some say they're still pbbting to this day)
2013-爪中明珠 = In Safe Paws
Alt Text: 當然是除了那些拉比笑話以外啦 (outside of all those rabbi jokes of course)
2014-和神做交易 = I’d Make A Deal With God
Alt Text: 兩個酪梨賣10美元 (two avocados for ten bucks)
2015-感(合)同身受 = Contract Pains
Alt Text: 喔，陶德看起來就像可以踢一腳的布偶呢 (Aww Todd looks like such a kickable plushie)
2016-像狐狸一樣 = Like A Fox
Alt Text: 你還記得卡里做了什麼嗎？答案在這裡，反過來寫！
(Can YOU remember what Kari did? The answer is written here, upside-down!
ǝɔɐɯᴉɹפ ǝɥ┴ ɟo ɥʇɐɹʍ ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ pǝʌɐs)
系列137⅖. 2023 情人節 = Valentine's Day 2023 # 譯者：紅狐
2017-情人節大桶的最底層 = The Bottom Of The Valentines Barrel
邁爾斯：揉，揉肚肚？？
馬文：你想成為我第二把「蕉」椅的第三把「蕉」椅嗎？
洛克：我們要來場像電影的戀愛 完全不會出現任何有趣或是新穎的東西，除非我們去抄別人的，然後花了好幾年計畫和預算，不斷地保證會有結果，最後只能重新包裝變成三部電影合集的特賣品
負里歐：我們對彼此有害，但別因此卻步
Alt Text: 邁爾斯，你是有婦之--等下，技術上來說好像不算是(Miles you are a marri--wait I guess technically not)
2018-邁向奇異領域 = On To Stranger Pastures
Alt Text: 喔，我想我可以把接下來一千年的行程都排開…(Oh I think I can clear out the calendar for the next thousand years…)
2019-你的新現實 = Your New Reality
Alt Text: 如果你說大聲一點，你沒有根據的說法就會更正確一點(If you say it louder your unsubstantiated opinions are more correct)
2020-先別改你的尺度 = Do Not Adjust Your Dial
Alt Text: *瘋狂用蹄敲鍵盤* (*furious bashing on keyboard with hooves*)
2021-沒事啦 = It’s Fine
Alt Text: 沒事啦，應該不會有事啦 (it’s FINE. it’s probably fine.)
2022-宇宙中最偉大的事 = The Greatest In The Universe
Alt Text: 嗯嗯…甲蟲脆片餅乾 (mmm beetle-chip cookies)
2023-我選擇平凡生活 = I Choose A Mortal Life
Alt Text: 中世紀流星錘現在對你有用了喔！ (you’re not immune to the medieval flail anymore!)
2024-哈囉，殘酷的世界 = Hello Cruel World
Alt Text: 人生苦短，但至少現在更複雜了！ (life sucks but at least now it's more complicated!)
2025-去應門，獾來了 = Get The Door, It’s Badger
Alt Text: 我們前不久搞丟了球池房而你是唯一知道這裡什麼東西在什麼地方的人 (we lost the ball pit room some time ago and you’re the only one who knows where anything is in this place)
2026-甜蜜的家 = Sweet Home
Alt Text: 你不必戴鐵刺頸環穿網眼夾克來顯示你是個壞胚但這肯定是有幫助的 (you don't HAVE to wear a spike collar and mesh jacket to be a bad boy but it sure helps)
2027-重回軌道 = Back On Track
Alt Text: 她全都聽到了（並選擇性地解釋） (SHE HEARS ALL (and interprets selectively))
2028-家就是支出的地方 = Home Is Where The Budget Is
Alt Text: 我要怎麼負擔得起每個月25美金啊！ (How am I supposed to afford 25 dollars a month!)
2029-完結篇（暫時如此）（真的嗎）（問號）（點點點） = The End (For Now) (Or Is It) (Question Mark) (Dot Dot Dot)
Alt Text: 呼，這是你們最後一次看到我在這裡了，大概，所以呃…當個乖小孩還有記得刷牙喔 (welp, this is the last time you’ll see me here, probably, so uh…be good and remember to brush your teeth.)
OKAY. I know this has been a while in coming but this story ARK is finally done. For now, Housepets is done. But it will be coming back–I still have stories for this that I never got around to telling, but I want to be able to tell them in a way that doesn’t drive me absolutely mad. I will write them the same way I do my other comics, and that means actually giving myself some time and space to write them instead of panicking and forcing myself to a writing deadline that hinders more than it helps.
I need to get around to making the new website so people can actually follow all my other comics and stories too!
來自作者：
好啦，我知道這已經有好一段時間但這個故事篇章終於結束了。至此，Housepets也暫時告一段落。但我們會回來的—我仍有關於這裡的故事還沒有機會講到的，但我想要用不會把我逼瘋的方式來訴說。我會用和我其他漫畫一樣的方式來寫，也就是真正讓我有時間與空間去發揮，而不是有某個截稿期限逼迫我，這種作法弊大於利。
我也需要著手製作新的網站，這樣大家才能一起追我其他的漫畫和作品！
